I got on the social networking bandwagon a little later than many. On the other hand, many of my friends who use the Internet extensively and have been involved in email discussion lists and the like for a decade or more are still wary of the social networking phenomenon. Like them, I didn’t see the value of it – until I tried it. I thought sites like Facebook and Twitter would end up being big time-wasters. Instead, I found that after joining those sites, my time spent at the computer actually went down. That’s because instead of carrying on dozens of different email conversations to impart the same information to different friends, family members and lists, I could reach many more people with a single post.

Well, you could do the same thing with email’s cc: function, you might say. Yes, but not exactly. An email message with copies to a bunch of different people feels impersonal, almost rude. And you don’t want to divulge everyone’s email address to a bunch of strangers, so you have to do something like “undisclosed recipient” or put your own address as the primary “to” address, which makes it even worse – now each recipient knows that he/she is just one in a crowd but has no idea how large that crowd is or who else is in it. But if you see my news as a post on Facebook, you don’t feel slighted. You know that the nature of the forum is such that others are seeing the post, yet you can also feel “special” that you are one of my chosen “friends” with whom I share these messages.

The other advantage of SN is that many people just don’t seem to get into the groove of writing email. Yet they will post to the SN sites. I have relatives I’ve come to know much better after “friending” them on FB; these are folks who, before, I might see once a year at a Christmas gathering but I never got an intimate glimpse into their everyday lives as I do in reading their daily posts. It’s also interesting to see who their friends are, and what those friends say in various “wall” threads. It will does give you a different perspective on people. You get more insight into the personalities of co-workers, as well. It’s always a delight to discover that someone you’ve worked with for years on a purely professional basis is a fan of the same obscure musician that you adore, or loves cats as much as you do, or has the same political beliefs as you. Occasionally, you’ll get a big surprise: that “guy” named Jamie with whom you’ve been working for years in the virtual world turns out to be … not a guy at all, or that lady (you assumed) named Pat is actually a Patrick instead of a Patricia. Of course, there’s a  darker side to that coin, too. As in the real world, getting to know people better carries risks as well as rewards. You may find out that your favorite online colleague is a fanatical fan of a politician you can’t stand, or thinks all cats should be shot on sight, or believes people of your religious persuasion are all idiots or heathens who are damned for eternity. Worst of all, he/she might even support a rival sports team. :)

Social networking is an enabling technology, but it sometimes enables more than you might like. That’s especially true if you’re someone who’s “semi famous.” If you’re a genuine celebrity, I can imagine that it’s even worse. Anytime lots of people know you whom you don’t know, you have to decide on a strategy before you set up a SN account. One option would be to either adopt an “open door” policy and accept all friendships offered (which seems to be what many well known politicians have done, judging by the number of “friends” they have). Another is to protect your privacy and reject all those who you don’t know. The strategy you adopt is important because it will determine, in large part, what types of posts you make.

As someone who is by no means famous, but who is well known in certain circles through my writing, I’m never sure what to do when I get a “friend” request from someone I don’t really know. Sometimes the name is vaguely familiar – probably a reader who has emailed me in the past – and other times, I have no idea who the person is. I know from my own experience that when you read a great deal of what a writer has written, you often feel as if you know him/her. I’m flattered that people who read my newsletters, articles, etc. come away from them wanting to be my friend. On the other hand, I feel a little funny having a bunch of folks out there who I don’t know at all, seeing my sometimes semi-personal posts.

I know some people who are “friend collectors.” They seek out as many “friends” as possible, sending requests to everyone they know and many people they don’t know. They have thousands of “friends.” It’s almost as if they see it as a contest: who can get the most “friends?”  That’s not my goal in using SN. And I’m not sure I want to be part of someone else’s collection. I view my FB site a little differently, as a gathering of people I know at least a little and whom, based on what I know, I like. On the other hand, I don’t want to insult people who like me and feel as if they know me, even though I don’t know them.

So I’m asking this: if you want to send me a “friend” request and we don’t have an ongoing relationship, please include a note to let me know a little about yourself and how you know me (VistaNews, TechRepublic columns, Microsoft network, etc.) and why you want to be a FB friend. I’m not looking for a long essay here, or trying to make it an “application process.” I just want to know who I’m letting into my relatively limited circle of folks with whom I share some important and trivial details of my life each day. Thanks!

deb@shinder.net    www.debshinder.com